Birth! It's a touchy subject!
Everyone has an opinion on it and everyone has a story to tell. Each birth is unique and each birthing mom is coming from a special place.
First let me just say that here is your disclaimer! My views may be completely off and you have the opportunity to stop reading this right now! If you continue to read it's your own fault.
I've been reading a lot of Ina May Gaskin (probably the most famous midwife of all times and she's American) lately and there was something that is in her book, Spiritual Midwifery, that really struck me. She says (in basic terms) that a labouring woman shouldn't complain and should just get on with it. Specifically a mom recalls a conversation with Ina "The Farm women have a really good reputation with the local hospital because of how they had their babies, and if I started blubbering at everything, how was I going to have a baby without anesthesia?" Ina May's husband wrote "If all your life you never do anything heavy, there's certain passages in life that are heavy. Having a baby, for instance, is one. If you be a total paddy-ass all your life they're going to have to knock you out when you have your kid, because you're going to be too chicken to have it. And if you do something that builds character ahead of time, you'll have enough character that you can have that kid, and it will be a beautiful and spiritual experience for you."
Firstly, I love the 70's language! Secondly, for some reason in my tiny American mind I was offended by this tough love idea. Not complain?!?! Seriously! Birth is hard work and I want to complain all day long about it. And so I really had an opportunity here to think about why I would even consider being offended by this concept.
Now this is a generalisation (which people shouldn't make but here it goes) to me it seems like Americans are wimps when it comes to birth. There I wrote it. Before you start going nuts on me, hear me out. I've been living in the UK for just over 2 years now. And (it might be the area I'm in) but I've seen that birth could be a different way. I hardly hear British women complaining about pain. Or complaining about anything really. In my observation they really do live by that "Keep Calm and Carry On" propaganda poster. Strange, I know. But when it comes to birth I think they have a point. Ina May originally wrote this book in the 70's during a sort of revolution in the States. And it still really applies now. We (or US) are scared of birth and we've been taught to be afraid. 1 in 3 women in the US will have a cesarean. Not because she needs one either. Your mom has probably told you a horrific story about how she was in twilight sleep during birth or even tied down. (historical reference) Most women will see an Obstetrician (a trained surgeon) rather than a midwife (a trained natural birth attendant). Movies and media still show birth as a terrifying and horrific event. And when you go to your pregnancy visits it's more likely that something unnecessary will be said to you that will make you question your natural abilities to birth a baby. (Oh, the power of words! They can stop a mom right in the middle of birth!) Not to mention that some OB's have never seen a baby born naturally. Strange?!?!
And your probably wondering Why? Why is this happening? And well, US the people that have stood up for freedom and have fought tooth and nail to preserve our freedom have been taken advantage of. Now in the birth realm, we realise that it's not other countries we need to fight but it's our own. It's a shame but we are doing this to ourselves. We are perpetuating a culture of fear! And giving our hard earned money to medicalize birth because we are afraid of pain. It makes me sad that women are scared of pain. Don't get me wrong, I have a seriously low pain tolerance but the pain in birth is only there for a short (usually) amount of time and that pain means that there is something amazing happening with your body to bring another life into this world. And again this is a personal opinion but during birth I learned something very important. My whole life I have been trying not to Feel! I prided myself on being hard and not feeling feelings... And well during birth I learned that it's okay to feel feelings. Birth softens the soul. Without that transformation what kind of women would we be? Or more importantly, what kind of children would we have?
And I just keep wondering what happens when birth is completely medicalized and the zombie's come and the end of the world happens. (insert humour) What then? How will women have their babies without a hospital? But don't worry, they will! And here is the lesson - a pregnant woman has no control over birth (the process - yes, but actual birth - no). And a birth partner, OB or midwife has no control over birth either. Birth happens! And it will happen when that baby is ready to be born. And, well... either you can enjoy the transition into motherhood or you can clench your teeth and fight it. But at some stage you have to surrender to birth. And this is where I think Ina May's tough lesson comes from. What she is trying to get across is that you are strong! "Your body is stronger than your mind will ever have you believe". So just trust it! Relax and just go with it and make it a psychedelic good time...
