Confessions of a New Mom Yogini

My little one is 11 weeks old tomorrow! 

She is growing and learning so quickly. I can hardly keep up with all her changes. And now I find myself putting my needs to the side. (I think this is a common practice among 1st time moms.) Balance has always been hard for me and now I'm finding it really hard. Mainly due to guilt!

I feel guilty if I'm not spending every moment with her. 

I feel guilty that I'm not doing my yoga practice. 

I feel guilty that I'm not reading enough baby books. 

I feel guilty that I haven't started my exercise program.

I feel guilty that I don't rock her to sleep for every nap.

I feel guilty that I want to teach one night a week.

I feel guilty that our dog isn't getting his daily walk.

I feel guilty that I haven't worked up new lesson plans.

I feel guilty that I don't want to learn how to cook. 

I feel guilty that I'm on the computer right now writing this while my little one is on her play mat giggling away!

The guilt is overwhelming! And now I know that I have to come back to my practice is some way. Staying calm and just doing whatever I can to come back to the mat. I even put my mat in my bedroom so I could get up, roll it out and just salute the sun. Any little bit helps. It makes me feel accomplished. Like I did something for the day and that I'm not failing as a yogi, yoga teacher and mother.

So as always I try to remember to breath, to live with intention and purpose. And to do the best that I can right now in this moment. After all right now is a Present!

Confession of a Pregnant Yogi

This week marks my 29th week of pregnancy.  I've been interested in & studying pregnancy and yoga for some time now but suddenly I'm amazed at how much you never really know until you experience it for yourself.  Before becoming pregnant I had a consistent daily asana (postures) practice.  I was getting into the Ashtanga primary series and was interested in advanced postures. 

After becoming pregnant I became very ill. Typical in the first trimester; I had a hard time practicing, concentrating, balancing and all around dealing with the emotions of no longer being able to practice an intense asana practice.  It's funny because in all the classes I teach I'm very much an advocate of doing your practice as it is at that moment. But for some reason I have a hard time practicing what I preached.  And to confuse even more as my pregnancy went on I felt better and came back to my asana practice.  

Now entering my 3rd trimester,  I had to take a step back and take an inventory of what I truly believe is pregnancy and yoga.   And this is what I know:  To me... Yoga is... and will always be... "the process of tolerating the consequences of being myself".  Being myself in this moment; while being strong and flexible and aware of what's right for me and my baby.  The body awareness to know what I can and can't do physically.  And the ability to let my ego fly free as I tend to my NEW practice of personal tolerance. 

Pregnancy doesn't mean that I can just sit around and wait for a baby to be born. It doesn't mean that I can stop all physical activity or eat what ever I want. Pregnancy is a preparation for a mind, body and soul transformation.  And therefore, work still has to be done.  

I admit this because I know I'm not the only yogi to have felt or will feel this way.  And I'm here to tell you that it is okay.  Remembering that the physical practice comes and goes along your path is a hard one but with patience and practice all things are possible.  Even if it means that you might not bind Marichyasana D for a while.